He would never golf again.
Submitted November 01, 2016 at 12:52AM by thedeadlinger
It depends if you Count Dracula.
she finds one that she likes and says "look this one comes with a free gym" to which I respond "Do you have to provide him with a bed and food?" Silence. Glares and silence.
"People are dying to get in there!"
... hocus focus.
Wear beach cloths and draw sin/cos plots over your body. Congratulations, you are "showing off your tan lines"
Wife : would you please call our children by their real names?
Sis: "Ahhh what should I be for Halloween? Family? Any ideas? What should I go as?"
Dad: "Honey, haven't I told you already to always be yourself?"
This was followed by groans and facepalms at the dinner table, though my mom thoroughly enjoyed the joke. Wp dad, wp.
Wear a grey shirt and hold two items in your hands comparing weights. Congratulations you are now a greyscale.
The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."
A man walks passed her and she says, "Excuse me, could you please hug me? I've never been hugged before." The man, feeling bad for her, picks the lady up, hugs her, and puts her back down and goes on with his day.
Later that day, a second man walks passed her and she says, "Excuse me, I've never been kissed before, would you please kiss me?" So the man, similar to the last, picks her up, kisses her, puts her back down, and continues on with his day.
Later on, a third man walks passed her and she says "Excuse me, I've never been fucked before, would you please fuck me?" So the man picks the lady up, throws her into the ocean and says, "Well, you're fucked now."
Context: My mother's name is Amanda
My and my parents are sitting in the kitchen, getting ready for dinner.
My Mom asks me to grab something from downstairs.
Me: uh, you're so demanding /s.
Dad: Don't you mean demanda.
Driving down the highway today and my fiancee says "Look at how many little trees he has on his mirror!" (referring to the air freshener trees, of which he had at least 30)
I hit her with "Well he is driving a Forester."
Edit: autocorrect correcting nouns.
I'll fuck their boyfriends
They said if I didn't, my house would be repossessed.
I'm watching it with her, and halfway through the movie something clicks in my head.
Me: "Holy shit I just got it,this is a bunny cop movie"
ME:" instead of a buddy cop movie"
And then she proceeded to beat me
Got some of them from here
The wife walks out with only a lemon hanging over her snatch. The husband takes one look and storms off to the kitchen and return with a potato on his dong. The wife says "what the hell" and the husband replies "well shit, if you're going as a sour puss then I'm going as a dictator"
...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".
I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.
not my fault she cant remember the password to my pillow fortress
It doesn't matter.
When his students ask him what he is, he's going to say, "Gee, I'm a tree." (Geometry)
Of course you haven't, it hasn't come out yet!
I started unloading my groceries onto the belt.
Package of Ramen noodles. Quart of milk. Half a dozen eggs. A couple of frozen dinners.
As she is scanning the items, she looks up and smiles, "so, you're single, huh?"
I look at my groceries and smile back. "Yeah, ha, what gave it away?"
"Because you're fucking ugly."
As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.
She says to Donald, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie.” I will definitely win the election.
The Donald says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."
Donald goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. Trump swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?" Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket".
They had to pop it to let the heir out.
A few years ago my sister decided to iron her gym shorts without knowing that the fabric would melt under the heat of the iron, burning a massive hole in them. She texted our dad to let him know she'd set her shorts on fire.
His reply: 'good lord, how fast were you running?'
Still makes me laugh to this day.
I'll get my coat...
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain.
She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch.
I've been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."
The man anguished and betrayed, went into his room, grabbed his gun and without a word, shot his wife.
A couple of seconds later, another text arrived. 'Fucking auto correct, I meant "wifi", not "wife"'
He must have thought they were hares.
just bear-ly..... r/funny told me this belongs here.
"How do we get our names?" "Well, when your sister was born we saw a wild deer running by, so we named her Running Deer," said his father. "Okay," said the son. "And when your brother was born we saw an eagle flying high above, so we named him Flying Eagle," said the father. "Okay I think I understand," said the son. The father then asked, "Why do you ask Shitting Dog?"
It was groundbreaking.
These days if you mention botox no one raises an eyebrow.
A man was speaking to God and he asked him, "God is it true that to you a thousand years is a minute?" "That's true," God replied. "And is it true that to you $1,000,000 is like a penny?" "That's true," God said. "Well, you see I'm a poor man and I was wondering if you could give me a penny," asked the man. "Sure," said God, "in a minute."
"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
Flatman and Ribbon
A woman in her 40's went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.
Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob and the effects were wonderful. The woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All of these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: "First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She sighed and said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee...."
Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."
...my wife said, "You spoil those dogs."
These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
The king ruled a wealthy and massive kingdom, but he was obsessed with keeping his daughter a virgin. He had a device planted into her vagina that would chop off anything inserted into it.
He then called in his 3 best knights and told them that he would be off on a trip and that they would be protecting the princess. He warned them not to touch her.
When he returned, he called the 3 knights in.
He told the first knight to drop his pants. He did so, and his penis was gone. The king ordered him executed.
He then told the second knight to drop his pants. He did so, and his penis was gone. The king ordered him executed.
He finally told the third knight to drop his pants. He did so, and his penis was in place!
The king said, "Good knight, you have proven yourself to be loyal and true! Name your reward and it shall be granted!"
The knight said: "Eywanmytonbac!"
American women get stoned before they commit adultery..
So I can take him out (I tried)
Now pay attention class, I'm only going to do this once.
Therapist: So why do you want to end your marriage?
Mom: I'm sick of all of the Star Wars puns.
Dad: Divorce is strong with this one.
Someone who points out the obvious.
...he said "anti-logs."
I said, "Well I'm prologue myself, but then I've always been foreword-thinking."
I sent back
A man was nervously waiting for a job interview when the receptionist warned him about the boss. "Before you go in for your interview," she said, "just be aware that he doesn't have any ears and he's super sensitive about it. Whatever you do, don't draw any attention to it."
"Oh, ok thanks!" said the man.
When he went in for the interview the man with no ears looks at him and said, "do you notice anything about me?"
Stunned at how odd the man looked without ears, he could not help but to say, "wow you don't have ears."
"GET OUT!" the boss screamed.
Another man came in and the receptionist gave him the same warning. "Whatever you do, don't bring up his ears."
"Got it!" said the second man confidently.
He was trying not to stare at the boss' head when the boss said, "you notice something about me?"
Not able to hold it in, "Yeah you don't have any ears that just so weird!"
"GET OUT!" the boss screamed.
A third man came and and the receptionist dutifully gave him the same warning. "Whatever you do, just don't bring any attention to the fact that the boss doesn't have ears."
"No problem," he said.
When the third man met the boss, he looked strangely at him. The boss said, "do you notice anything about me?"
"Yeah, you wear contact lenses." the man confidently replied.
"Wow that's amazing! How did you know that?" said the boss bewildered.
"Well you have to, glasses would fall right off your face because you have no ears."
It means a lot
Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted.
Because that person is still alive?
Yes, apparently this is a thing. It's called Beaujolais Nouveau.
So they'll deliver it in time for release, he had to sign an document to swear that he wouldn't open it before the official date, and insists he won't open it early "in case they find out".
"They'll never know though," I said, "unless they hear it through the grapevine."
a mist understanding.
"Hey, how much is this TV?"
The salesman replies "1 dollar."
"Only a dollar? Why so cheap?"
The salesman tells him "the sound is stuck on the highest volume."
"So it's always on the highest volume? And it's only one dollar?"
"Wow, can't turn that down."
The older one walks up to a house, rings the doorbell, smiles and says "trick or treat!". Her bowl is filled with candy and she leaves.
The younger sister has been lagging behind on her small legs the whole night. She goes up to the door, smiles, and says "trick or treat", only to get sprayed in the face by
This morning we synthesised a new protein chain
It all makes cents now!
So, Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a bar, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."
Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"
"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"
That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"
"And who will you be, Arnold?"
"I'll be Bach."
when the door-bell rang.
"It's the blind man" he called.
That's ok, she thought so she quickly ran downstairs naked to open the door.
"Nice tits" he said. "Now, where do you want those blinds?"
What the make love is she talking about?
Good one from my dad when I was a kid: When my sisters and I would get in our seats in the car, my dad, without fail, would turn around and say, "Remember what the safety chicken says!" And, in a chicken chirp voice, he'd say, "Bucklup! Bucklup!"
When I was young, my autistic 10 year old cousin would constatly visit us, and I hated him because he was a brat. However, since his parents were extremely protective and thought of him as a little prince, they wanted to make me give him my "Up" DVD, because he really likes it.
When they left, I immediately told him I was not going to give him the DVD, but him being the autist he is, he starts bothering me about it every couple of seconds, but luckily, quiets down before dinner.
He asked for it once more while we were having lunch, and when I responded negatively again, he took his plate and ran into my treehouse. His parents make me go check on him.
Little did he know, you were able to remove the treehouse ladder, and since I was 12 at the time, I removed them and went to go get icecream in the house. I'm forced to ask him if he wants some, but when I leave the house, he's there and he thinks he's controlling me because I came to see him twice already, so he tells me to run around like a chicken. I tell him about the ice cream and how he isn't getting any, and he starts crying and screaming at me to let him get back down. I tell him: "Never gonna give you "Up", never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and dessert you."
A Texan looked up at the top of a tall building and discovered a man ready to jump off and end his life.
"Stop," he yelled, "Remember you're someone who has value!"
The man yelled back, "I just lost everything of value in the stock market!"
"But remember you're important to your wife," yelled the Texan.
"She divorced me, the whore."
"Your children! Remember your children," yelled the Texan.
"They never call," said the man.
"Then your parents. Remember your parents," yelled the Texan.
"Dead as doornails," said the man.
"Then 'Remember the Alamo'!" yelled the Texan.
"What's the Alamo?" inquired the man.
And the Texan replied: "Jump, you Yankee son of a bitch!"
The Royal Canadian Mint has just announced they are going to remove the polar bear from the "Toonie" (two dollars) in view of its demise soon with global warming.
In the height of political correctness they will replace it with two gay deer. Instead of calling it a "toonie," it will now be called "two fucking bucks"
We are maid for each other.
Turns out that idea was Taken
Learn to Fry
She's southern, so tends to have folksy phrases like this.
Afterwards, I automatically responded with "No, we were laying down"
That joke didn't perform well, but at least my sex did.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' he said.
'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.'
She heard a loud whisper: 'F ___ the Indians'
'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!' Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997.'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, 'Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.'
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008'....
A girl I've been seeing just died her hair purple. As we were cuddling and stuff last night and I got a bit of her hair in my mouth. I spit it out and said, "ew it tastes like purple." She asked what purple tastes like. I said, "kind of like red and blue mixed together." She immediately tried to leave.
But it's snot.
He just wants to sit and cry in his wheelchair.
"But why?" asks his wife. "Well, it's my eyesight. I can't see where the ball goes after I hit it". The wife says, "Listen, you can go with my brother Pete. He might be 103 years old but his eyesight is perfect." He agrees and finds himself on the golf course with his brother-in-law. He takes aim and hits a powerful shot that speeds off like a jet. He looks at his brother-in-law and says: "Did you see that Pete?” His brother-in-law says, "Yes, I saw that perfectly.” The golfer says, "Well, where is it then?" Pete responds, "I don't remember."
"If you can tell me who said the following quote, they don't have to come to school on Monday: 'We have nothing to fear, but fear itself'"
A hand shoots up and little Billy Tran says "Franklin Delano Roosevelt".
"Correct, Billy. You can have next Monday off" the teacher replies.
"I'm Vietnamese, we value education I'll be here Monday".
"Ok" says the teacher "Lets try another one: 'Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.'"
This time the hand of little Susie Hou rises.
"Correct Susie." the teacher asserts "Enjoy your day off"
Susie says "Oh no ma'am. I'm Chinese, we also value education I'll be here early on Monday morning".
"Fucking immigrants!" a voice says from the back.
"Who said that?!" the teacher snaps.
"Donald Trump..." says little Johnny "...I'll see ya Tuesday"
The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
She has such soft hands...
because hindsight is 20/20
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. This being a big event, the girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some protection.
The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be very busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious."
The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."
Why you lion, Snoop Dogg?
I was dipping a lot until I quit.
They're all the rage right now
At the end of a night out on the town, a girl takes a black guy back to her house. They're kissing and moving towards her bedroom when she looks at him with the most flirtatious eyes she can muster and says: "Is it true what they say about black guys? ;)" To which the man responded "Of course it is baby.", stabbed her, stole her wallet and left.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
...so I told her to roll them tighter.
...but I just can't pick it up.
She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.
On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35,"he replied.
"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29."
"I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age."
There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt.
After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47."
Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
A man walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says,
"You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire."
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
I was 12, living with my abusive uncle and auntie. We lived on an old farm, no animals just fields. One day my uncle goes off to a market and comes back with this filthy ass horse. Says it's bred from some old bloke's prize stallion. Auntie loves it for some reason, because it's all muddy she calls it "Dirty." She was a bit fucked up like that. I, being a countryside kid, liked horses and riding them. Then they turned on me saying "If we ever catch you riding our fucking horse then we will beat the living shit out of you." They meant it, they'd done it before.
A few days later, I'm messing in the fields with some old tractor tire I found. Dirty is just eating grass and shit next to me. Auntie and uncle come out every few minutes to make sure I'm not riding the horse. Eventually I get board and climb inside the tire. Tire starts moving (field wasn't flat). Can't stop. Auntie and uncle come outside to check on me. They see me rollin. They hatin'. Patrolling. Trying to catch me riding Dirty.
My parents can be so fucking rude sometimes.
Me: Would you say she litterally smells bad?
To get the attention of the passers by, he yelled "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'damn fish'?" The boy responds "Because i caught these fish at the local dam."
The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds, surprised "I didn't know it was acceptable for a pastor to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish.
Later at dinner, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. His son responds "That's the spirit, dad. Now pass the fucking potatoes."
Me: I've been playing poker with some blokes.
Wife: Playing poker with some blokes? You can pack your bags and fucking leave.
Me: So can you sweetheart; this ain't our fucking house anymore!
He's all right now!
'I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'
'Okay then,' said Dave, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing.
Ten minutes later, she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure. 'I am so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?' 'It's swollen',he said.....
...I was a huge metal fan. In math class, I had an 8/10 girl next to me, she turns me on so much. I always try really hard to impress her, she's so hot. The teacher starts passing back last weeks test, and 8/10 looks at me, smiles, and starts playing with her hair. I can't handle it, I start spinning. The cute girl is completely staring now. I completely break down and stop spinning. She frowns, and I'm trying so hard to keep cool, but I had absolutely no power whatsoever. The teacher turns and plugs me back in, and I start spinning again. I was a metal fan in high school.
He comes across a small black bear drinking from a stream so he shoots and kills it. He then feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and sees a large black bear.
"Hey", says the bear. "You just killed my cousin. What's your name?"
"Um....Frank", the hunter says nervously.
"Well Frank", says the bear, "Now you have to pay for that." The bear proceeds to scratch and maul Frank, and finally, sodomizes him.
Two days later, Frank gets out of the hospital, goes back into the woods, tracks down the offending bear and shoots him. He feels another tap on his shoulder. He turns around to see a huge brown bear.
"Hey Frank", says the brown bear. "You just shot my cousin. Now I have to punish you." The bear mauls and bites him and then sodomizes him.
Two weeks later, Frank gets out of the hospital and tracks down the brown bear. He shoots and kills it. Then he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and sees a massive grizzly bear.
"Frank, man...really?" The grizzly proceeds to maul and tear into Frank, then violently sodomizes him.
Two months later, Frank leaves the hospital, immediately goes to his truck, goes back in the woods and finds and shoots the Grizzly. He then feels a tap on his shoulder and turns around to see the biggest polar bear he has ever seen.
"C'mon Frank", says the polar bear. "Just admit it. You don't come her for the hunting, do you?"
Me: (cuddling) I'm not sure why I'm rubbing my ear on your nose Him: I guess you want to h-ear what I nose.
He also says "Hi Hungry, I'm (SO)" every time I say I'm hungry. Grr.
To which he replied "Well... I could have been black".
The chief replies "It will be a very cold winter, we must get a lot of wood"
So, the men go out and collect the winter supply of wood, with some extra just in case. They go back the the chief and ask if it will be enough, to which, he replies: "It will be a very cold winter, go get more wood.
So again, the men go out and collect more wood, they find the Chief again and ask if it will be enough, to which he replies: "No, it will be a very cold winter, you must get more wood."
This happens four more times, until the Chief comes to the realization that if it is not a cold winter, they will kill him for lying to them, and for making them collect so much wood. So the Chief decides to the local town to ask the meteorologist how cold the winter will be. He get's on his horse and heads out. Upon reaching the meteorologist, he asks him "how cold will the winter be?".
The meteorologist responds "Oh, it will be a very cold winter this year"
The chief, relieved, asks how he knows this, to which the meteorologist replies "Just look at how much wood the Indians are collecting!"