Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Why can’t dogs get MRIs?

Because only Cats-can!



Submitted October 16, 2017 at 11:13PM by wynjds

What did the janitor say when he popped out of the closet?

SUPPLIES!



Submitted October 16, 2017 at 07:24PM by whenitrainsitStorms

My wife was madly tapping at her phone, looks up in frustration, and says "My sound isn't working".

To which I reply "I can hear you just fine".



Submitted October 16, 2017 at 09:13PM by DiedWhileDictating

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!



Submitted October 17, 2017 at 03:21AM by trannywannyman

What My Girlfriend Thought on the First Four Dates

1) Good shirt.
2) Nice. A second good shirt.
3) OK, the first shirt again.
4) He has two shirts.



Submitted October 16, 2017 at 06:52PM by orizinet

My friend died when he couldn't remember his blood type

He kept saying "be positive", but it's hard without him.



Submitted October 16, 2017 at 05:44PM by BigDaddyCool17

I knew a girl in college who would sleep with guys for free Adderall.

She was a real attention whore.



Submitted October 16, 2017 at 05:41PM by GunnieGraves