Tuesday, August 22, 2017

If communism doesn't work, why do so many people still support it?

They don't work either.

Submitted August 22, 2017 at 10:44AM by MajesticPlatypus9

Why did the silverware move out?

It's house got forklosed on.

Submitted August 22, 2017 at 03:01PM by The_Epic_Espeon

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

a carrot

Submitted August 22, 2017 at 02:08PM by neadien

I guess you could say that a wealthy locksmith...

has the key to success?

Submitted August 22, 2017 at 02:22PM by 2076baseballbat

A Muslim dies and goes to heaven.

He is about to climb up the white clouded stairs and stops in front of a golden gate. There is a bearded man waiting for him. The Muslim asks: "Are you Mohammed?" "No, I'm St. Peter. Mohammed is higher up" The Muslim is very happy to hear that Mohammed is more important than Saint Peter and is higher up. He climbs another flight of stairs .Tired, he stops in front of another large gate. He finds a young man with curly blond hairs and asks: "Are you Mohammed?" "No, I'm Michael, Mohammed is higher up" The Muslim is in ecstasy learning that Mohammed is more important than angels. He climbs an even longer flight of stairs. Exhausted, he reaches another gate, even bigger. He is met by a bearded man and asks him: "Are you Mohammed?" "No. I am Jesus. Mohammed is further up" The Muslim is ecstatic and explodes with happiness learning that Mohammed is even more important than Jesus and that his religion is indeed the best of them all. He cannot wait to meet Mohammed. He quickly climbs further up. Panting, breathless, exhausted, he arrives at a huge white gate. Waiting for him is very old man with a long white beard. The Muslim asks with the little breath he has left: "Are you Mohammed?" "No. I'm God, but I see you're tired, come in, seat down, rest for a moment. Do you want some water, a coffee perhaps? And the Muslim says: "Yes, a coffee ... I would be very grateful" So God turns around, raises his hand, whistles, and says. "Mohammed, two coffees"

Submitted August 22, 2017 at 10:50AM by tancredi88

The Sun and the Moon walk into a bar...

Sun: Ahhh damn it! I forgot my wallet. Moon: Hey no worries, I'll cover ya.

Submitted August 22, 2017 at 04:57AM by yujinxo

A man and woman were having sex and the woman was dissatisfied

Woman : You know, this wasn't what I expected when you said you were magical in bed

*Man pulls out ten of hearts

Man : And is this your card?

Woman : Holy shit

Submitted August 22, 2017 at 12:31PM by crash100200